Coniston Coppermines. Day 2

[Mick]

Day Two. May 2nd

A surprising amount of non-faffing saw the Smeggies queueing outside Grizedale Visitor Centre BEFORE 10am eager to get in and buy orienteering maps.

A multi-activital day followed which saw us do a short orienteering course; a hard orienteering course (backwards); a picnic on a rug with fresh earl grey; a game of frisbee; a game of catch-ball (drop-ball for Steve and chuck-ball-hard-at-little-kid-making-him-cry for Geoff); a cup of tea and an ice cream; a scramble up a wet gorge (more later) AND time for a shower before tea. FAN-BLOOMING-TASTIC. (Even better, Ipswich lost to Birmingham thus leaving Bradford City in pole position to claim automatic promotion to the Premiership).

[Martin]

Following the morning orienteering session, those of us with a thirst for a few more miles purchased trail maps from the visitor centre and did a sculpture crawl around the western Grizedale forest. This of course, was after lunch!

[Mick]

Our evening meal was supplemented by un-nervingly accurate budgie impressions from Mr Free (ding) which made Eddie laugh his orange juice through his nostrils. Steve was so busy serving extra basil soup to the others that he ran out before he got to himself. Ian played with whipped cream and Micj managed 3 bowls of soup (including 1 of Steve's) a HUGE leek and apricot casserole AND apple crumble and custard and is now pregnant.

[Jane]

After dinner the pub called and we walked down the long dusty road to the Black Bull. Seating proved to be a bit of a problem and we resorted to 'one buttock forward and one buttock backward' on two benches. Martin and Ian complained bitterly about crushed nuts and then changed the topic of conversation to tongues with graphic demonstration.

[Mick]

Stop Press Weather Report

Skies are clearing which means COLD night so I am now on the whisky to a)keep me warm and b)reduce the need to wee naked outside like last night.

The question we are all asking now is How Pissed Is Sophie? Also, How Did Sophie Get So Pissed?

Ian has just asked her if she is all right and Steve replied she'd be better after a damn good scratching. This scribe feels there is no response to such a statement.

Coniston Coppermines. May Bank Holiday 1999

Official Register:

CURTIS Stephen
CUTLER Michael
FREE Martin
HOLDGATE Alison
KIMBER Jane
MORRISON Geoff
PARKER God
RUDGE Sophie
WILLSHIRE Ruth
WINTHORPE Edward





[Eddie]
Coniston Copper Quotes:


"I've only played with it; I've not had it in my mouth" Ruth
"I had Claire up a ladder" Martin
"I like it, it's great, you feel so vulnerable" Sophie
"If Steve stabs his sausage like that it is all going to squirt out from under the skin" Sophie
"You wouldn't get my nuts in there" Mick
"It's all gone inside, it's dribbling down now, my foot's all wet now" Sophie
"Ju, ju, ju, ju, ding!" (Martin's budgie impression)

[Martin]
THE TRANSPORT TRAUMA



The following was a logistical plan to exacting requirement...



Timings (Planned)
Depart Chippenham 1300
Journey time to Bedford - 3hrs
Arrive Bedford 1600hrs
Depart Bedford 1630hrs
Journey time to Bradford - 3hrs
Arrive Bradford 1930hrs
Depart Bradford 2000hrs
Journey time to Coniston 2.5hrs (including food stop - Settle)
Arrive Coniston 2230


Notes: Plan based around bank holiday Friday traffic rates.



Timings (Actual): Complete Bollocks
[Eddie] Anyone seen Martin's teddy?!? It was a nice plan - we just didn't want to use it!





[Steve]
The Walk & Other Things. May 1st



The weekend was billed as a "fluffy" weekend - Mick's term, but I like it!!!

So, this morning, we arose suddenly as God Parker plummeted from his sleeping repose to the solid wooden floor in one swift action. The thud caused major structural damage to the hostel, and woke me up!!

Having stolen the assistant warden's bed for the night, I was slightly concerned that my breakfast might not be up to the high standard that is usually offered at the YHA. Still, on reflection, I shouldn't have felt so guilty, because I'm a paying guest and he's not. And besides I might have let him share if he'd asked nicely.

So, following a suitably satisfying breakfast decisions were to be made as to the purpose of the day. After lengthy discussions it was decided to drive to Ambleside in the morning so that Ruth and Martin could buy loads of kit. Being my usual extravagant self, I bought a newspaper.

So after a morning's hectic shopping, we drove back to the hostel, and then set off to climb the Old Man. But Martin wouldn't stand still; so we headed for the mountain instead.

Being now a fully restored Southern Poofy Wuss, I was most impressed that I still made it to the top without dying. In fact it was a damn good walk, with excellent weather, and was most enjoyable. I even managed to talk about substations to God Parker, who seemed vaguely interested, which was nice (but I suppose it made a change from mobile phones!!)

An excellent day and one to make me wonder what thebloody hell I'm doing in the dirty, nasty metropolis that is London. I wonder why the bloody hell I don't try and get a job in the countryside. I suppose it's just because I'll always be a Southern Poofy Wuss. Never mind; at least my heart's in the right place.

[Jane]
Ruth and I decided to have an easy day and bailed out fairly early on the climb. Our first sunbathing spot proved to be a bad choice due to it's position on top of an ants nest. The second was a much better sheltered spot by a wall.

The echoes in the valley proved to be very interesting - we could hear the conversations of people half way up the hill! Pied wagtails provided a side show of tap dancing up and down the slag heaps. We spent the afternoon sunbathing, doing Steve's crosswords and squashing small but annoying flies as we turned the pages of our books. Ruth decided to be very conscientious and work on her C.V. but that lasted approximately 15 seconds!

We had no contact with the rest of the group until we saw a yellow helicopter lifting someone off the hill. We decided to call them to check they were ok. They were and waved at us from the top of the hill. At about 6.00 pm the sunburn started to show on almost all members of the now reunited group.

Dinner was spent in the third person.

[Mick]
MICK AND ALISON'S DAY

Was rather different as it started in York, then travelled to Bradford arriving at around 11am.

A quick visit to Millets for old times sake resulted in the aquisition of a new pair of boots and socks for Ali. This was followed by pints of beer at the Firkin before 1 1/2 disappointing hours on the Kop at Valley Parade watching Bradford City AFC fail to score against the 2nd bottom team in the league and thus hamper their chances of being promoted to the Premier League next season. No one else here cares, but I do so I'm writing it down.
We arrived in Coniston at 8.30ish to find a tent pitched down by the river; a welcoming party ushered us down to the tent, we filled it with duvets and then away to the pub. Oh, we popped in at the hostel to find a 6th form field trip in situ. Bugger - can't get away from bloody kids no matter how hard you try.

Ewen's Housewarming Party. Jan 30th 1999

[Steve]
Oh yes. The Smeggies invaded the Midlands.

This was billed as Ewen's House-warming, but with all of us present (except Geoff!!) it quickly turned into Ewen's House-wrecking.

Lots of people were present: Tony, Rich & Jo, Andy K, Martin, Ruth, Eddie & Jane.

Stars of the party had to include Ruth who after consuming copious amounts of whisky subsequently tested the quality of Ewen's carpet by projectile vomiting from the stairs.

At this moment, standing in the kitchen, questions being posed are:

"Is she still wretching??"
"How much did she have?"
"What was she drinking?"

and other such probing questions that always follow a natural disaster.

In the meantime, I have managed to remove the coatstand from the wall, dropping everybody's coat in the dog-bowl and giving Liam's phone an early bath.

Oh well; a good time was had by all.

[Mick]
ROLL CALL
CHAPMAN - Rich
CURTIS - Steve
CUTLER - Mick
FREE - Martin (puke cleaner)
KENNERLEY - Andy
KIMBER - Jane
LINTER - Tony (2 parties in 2 nights - whoo)
PARKER - God
PHILLIPS - Ewen
SIZELAND - Jo
WETHERALL - Vicki
WILLSHIRE - Ruth (not present - toilet monitor)
WINTHORPE - Eddie

Ewen's house is very nice - or rather was before Ruth was sick in the sink and then all down the stairs, and Steve pulled the coat hooks off the wall. Everyone is very grown up now and have proper jobs and houses. The lounge is now free apparently so that's all from me. Ta ta.

THE MORNING AFTER

Sardine like we woke early and considered last night's events. Steve and Mick's pillow talk centred around Ruth and we decided that her many hours of barfing would be a Smeggie talking point for many years to come. As I wasn't present at the actual scene of the crime, I'll hand over to Martin for some details of Ruth's Amazing Redecorating Service:

[Martin]
Chunder #1:
Location - Kitchen
Target - Sink
Description - After a brief period of swaying, Ruth christened the sink in the kitchen.
Clean Up - Running water plus poking bits with finger.

Chunder #2:
Location - Stairs / Downstairs Hall
Target - Stairs
Description - Upon removal from the kitchen, Ruth sat on the stairs to contemplate her earlier faux-pas, and promptly decided to test the stain resistance of the carpet.
Clean Up - Martin, with six teatowels and the washing up bowl. Larger lums removed from carpet using fingers.

Chunder #3:
Location - Downstairs Loo
Target - Toilet
Description - More retching, but this time in a more appropriate place.
Clean Up - Chin wiping and hair holding courtesy of Jane.

Chunder #4:
Location - Downstairs Loo
Target - Carpet / Legs
Description - Using the toilet in a more conventional manner, Ruth required to evacuate from both ends at once.
Clean Up - Dog bowl (scene of earlier phone / coat dunking episode), suitable emptied, inserted between mouth and legs. Mopping up undertaken with kitchen cloth on legs / carpet.

Intermediary Retching:
Location - Downstairs Loo
Target - Generally the dog bowl but some problems with aim. Collateral damage to skirt / tights / carpet.
Description - General illness over a period of time conducted from seated position, with pants / tights round knees.
Clean Up - Mouth wiping / nose wiping / spill mopping provided by Martin (who drew the line at wiping Ruth's arse!)

Final Instalment:
Ruth, re-panted, wiped and suitably encased in warm clothing removed from downstairs loo and put into sleeping bag in kitchen.

(0912 hrs Sunday: Ewen finds Mick's missing sock...)

Capel Curig - November 20-22 1998

[Mick]

This is a UBU Hiking trip, but owing to the lack of Smeggie activity we're hijacking it for appearance purposes.

SMEGGIE TURNOUT:
Mick
Martin
God
Dean
Dave
Tom
Gwyn

We're staying at an educational centre, which makes me feel right at home, in Capel Curig. Had chips bought for us in Quensferry - hurrah!

NOTE: - Ewen's housewarming is last Saturday in January apparantly. Will he be there we wonder......

SATURDAY - THE SOGGY SMEGGIE STROLL
Up the Devil's Kitchen, wiggle across the top heading for beer in Capel Curig.

WHAT HAPPENED
13 of us set off in windy rain with an air of anticipation heightened by a photograph of the views we would have seen had it not been so cloudy. The scramble up the devil's kitchen was excellent, although the strength of the wind at the bottom had some wondering what it would be like at the top (it was nothing like the strength of the wind at God's bottom however). As we ascended it got colder and windier, and steeper, until the moment of truth arrived and the decision was made by the majority to turn back.
HOWEVER...... I was in a particularly obstinate mood and wanted to try my chances on the ridges of Glyder Fach and Glyder Fawr, so with Dave Berry, Neil, Annette and Connie we continued upwards.

[Martin]
THE SOFTIES DESCENT....

After freezing our nuts off while the new routes were planned, we dropped back down the route as fast as possible. Stopping briefly for lunch in a sheltered spot we arrived back at the bus by 1400 and then back to the hostel for a change of pants. Suitably warmed we drove to Betws for coffee and cakes in the Royal Oak, before returning to the hostel. After dropping the party off, Martin and Phillip drove along the road towards the returning party, picking them up about 1 mile from the hostel.

[Mick]
THE HARDIES ASCENT
Luckily we were nearly at the top so we followed 3 people who seemed to know where they were going before losing them in the mist when they moved over 5 metres in front of us.
Navigation was generally by way of heading NE until we nearly fell off the cliff (helped by the southerly gale) and then heading due east along the ridge. It was impossible to navigate using paths as we kept losing them in the zero visability. From Glyder Fach onwards we navigated solely on an easterly bearing due firstly to the soggy nature of the map and secondly by not having the double sided map we thought we had and thus having no map to follow at all...

After huge amounts of squelching, a tricky negotiation of barbed wire fence and a descent (still in zero visability) of a very steep, wet, grassy slope we finally saw headlights and we knew we had nearly made it. A final trudge along a track into Capel Curig presaged the arrival of Martin the Minibus Driver and the (dark) end of a great day's achievement.

EVENING ACTIVITIES
Mr Chairman, Mr Weights and Measures, Thumbmaster and Chief Snitch started an evening of much imbibing and punting (not pointing) at the local hostelry. Some people got very drunk - Phil (M.U.T. Morale Uplift Target) left early thus thwarting somewhat our attempts to frame him. The party continued back at the hostel with Dean's Amazing Toxic Punch (Martini, Vodka, Southern Comfort, Bacardi, Strawberryade and chopped fruit). Much singing of Beach Boys and Elvis songs, coupled with a conga upstairs to spy on Matt and Heather followed - as did a photo session of the bare bottom variety courtesy of Martin and a stolen camera. The evening ended at around 2.30am with a visit of the beer monkey to the boy's dormitory.

Comedy moment of the day: Mick's shower dripping through the celing of the girl's dormitory.

SUNDAY
Not much for me to write here as I did bugger all of the walking-type activity. Dean seemed worst afflicted by the hangover-curse whilst Mick, Martin and Ian (God) partook of breakfast avec sunglasses. Most went walking in incessant rain while others stayed behind to clear up - and in my case get a bit of coursework done. Afternoon in Betws, a few new gadgets bought by some, back in Bradford at 7.00 in time for a curry at the Daarbar (formerly the Shabina) who give the Hiking Club free Lassi every Sunday. Fantastic.

Annual Meal - May 16 1998

This annual Hiking Club event was held at the Cedar Court Hotel, Bradford. The Smeggies booked a table and Martin, Geoff, Steve, Mick, Gwyn, Helen and Rich Gav all turned out - as well as Louise and Vicki Wetherall. Tony and Dean were also present but are listed in the book as "Not on our table: Tony (committee traitor) The hardest man in England. Dean (on the brummy table)"

[Mick]
Ewen is in America which we all agree is quite a good excuse by his standards (which are high - on the excuse front)

Quote: Helen Robertson 2Hello Geoff, I haven't seen you for ages, how are you? I've been around a bit."

The Evening In Abbreviated Format:
Martin got an award for speeding in Skye. Mick and Jo gatecrashed a wedding and met a very nice student called Nicola from Newcastle Uni. Geoff, Rich, Mick and Dean obtained some smashing new cummerbunds courtesy of the curtain tie-backs. Party continued at Phil and Jo's house after midnight where we drank lots of Boddingtons then got chucked out by Phil for being too noisy. Martin disappeared into the wild blue yonder with Heather (next year's Pres. apparantly) and the rest of us went to the Shabs with our beer and a box of wine at about 3am.

We have decided unanimously that the next Smeggie party will be at Ewen's house. That way he has to come. (We will be informing him of this as soon as we find out where the blooming hell he is living now)

Coast To Coast Day 10 - The Final Leg

[Tony]

Day 10 - Grosmont - Robin Hood's Bay

At last, the final stretch. The day opened with a climb out of Grosmont and a first view of Whitby and te North Sea. We split the day into sections with Eddie, Martin and Jane all walking for some of the day. As Eddie's car was following us on our journey I was relieved of my rucksack, much to the surprise of fellow coast to coasters who had previously seen me fully laden and alone.

The last ten days had seen coast, the mountains of Lakeland, limestone pavements, the peaty moorland of Nine Standards, the sheep and stiles of Swaledale, the flat plain and long slog across the Vale of York, and the escarpment of the North York Moors, not to mention much more besides.
Now, after 190 miles it was back to coast walking again for the last few miles back to Robin Hood's Bay.

Once we arrived we headed straight through the main street to the sea. Fortunately the tide was in, which saved a few extra paces. I threw my pebble I had been carrying since St Bees (my bit to stop erosion of this part of the coastline). As I posed at the water's edge for a victorious photograph I managed to get very wet feet as the inevitable tidal wave washed above my gaiterless boot line. I screamed, much to the amusement of nearby pubgoers.

Coast To Coast Day 9 - The Penultimate Leg...

[Tony]

Day 9 Lion Inn - Grosmont

Otherwise known as a walk in the park. Relieved of my rucksack, courtesy of Eddie, Jane and Eddie's car, I entered Heartbeat country. Just as I was imagining Nick Berry was about to turn up on a quiet moorland road, a bloke on a scooter duly did!
After Earl Grey Tea and sandwiches at Glaisdale Station tea-shop, at the obligatory photo-on-a-bridge, Beggars Bridge to be precise, myself and Eddie strolled through woods to meet Jane and Primera at pre-arranged spot in Egton Bridge.
We passed another group of walkers, doing the coast to coast, met previously at Osmotherley and Lion Inn, who had seen me fully laden and were surprised to find me packless. I had just lost my hard-man image! After 30 minutes we arrived at the pre-arranged meeting point with no sign of Jane or Primera, A thorough search of all roads and car parks within a mile radius was conducted before Jane was found.

Arrival in Grosmont was the earliest of any day so far, 3.15, so, bags deposited at B&B I sat by the train station and looked round engine sheds saying 'There's one', 'there's another one' all afternoon... (the pub didn't open until 7pm!)

[Eddie]
We left the Lion Inn just before 10 this morning. Jane and I drove off to Whitby, leaving Tony (without bag) to wander across the moors. At our rendezvous at Glaisdale Post Office, we discovered it to have closed moments earlier at 12.30. Fortunately the tea shop was suitably stocked.
I shared Tony's walk to Egton Bridge where Jane was reminded about 'looking for the specified feature'.
After an overcast morning it has turned into another hot, sunny, hazy afternoon.

NEWSFLASH
Tony's prnciples have been compromised. Due to a lack of evening meal situation in Grosmont, Tony has been forced to accept a lift BACK to Egton Bridge in order to purchase dinner!
Reports have been circulating speculating that during this exercise, Tony did in fact see the sea. This has been vigourously denied by Tony (25), who added " it was too hazy to see anything - anyway, I can't see the sea until tomorrow!"

[Martin]
The Station Pub, Grosmont, 2100 hrs

Martin returns to the disasterous C2C trip metting Tony (Norman Yardstick - the standard by which we should all be compared), Ed, and Jane in the pub to lubricate joints before tomorrow's final day.

Coast To Coast Day 8 - and then there was one

[Tony]

Day 8 Osmotherley - Lion Inn

This morning Mick was driven back to Bradford by Martin having been completely all walked out. I had two options, wuss out when I was on a roll, or battle on alone. Despite the fact that the latter option felt highly anti-social I decided that I would feel I was letting myself down if I gave up getting to Robin Hood's Bay at such a late stage.
The day was quite a tough one especially walking alone. There were plenty of ups and downs, and the amount of climbing to do was by far the most since the Lake District. After Clay Bank Top it was a 10 mile plod along the railway track to the Lion Inn, a pub on top of a hill in the middle of nowhere...

I had drifted off to sleep having settled down to watch TV having eaten tea, when I heard a knowck on the door. Eddie and Jane had arrived, all the way from Cambridge!! This all came as a bit of a shock, I now had backup again! The easy stages that remained would now be even easier.

[Eddie]
How many times has the plan changed in the last 48 hours!?! The Lion was supposed to have seen the 4 of us walkers in nice surroundings and with a fine selection of ales... alas it was not to be. Incidently, my knee is a lot better, but still not right!

Coast To Coast Day 7 - only two remain

[Tony]

Day 7 Richmond - Osmotherley. 40km (221km total)

Yesterday Martin got a lift with Ruth back to Bradford, never to be seen again. Eddie had persuaded Jane to replace Martin at the Lion Inn and Grosmont on Friday and Saturday. A romantic weekend for four! Eddie offered to provide support for me and Mick on this 26 mile slog. The plan was for him to meet us at key points in his car while carrying our rucksacks. Every three miles or so at some road junction Eddie would be there to water us and let us tuck into our choccie bars.

By lunchtime at Danby Wiske we decided it was time to relieve Eddie of his services, so he could head down to Cambridge.

The going was very tedious as it was mainly road and track walking and the pace which was exceeding three miles an hour slowed considerably as the afternoon wore on. Mick was obviously hobbling along and it was only a matter of time before he announced he was heading home in the morning. By the time we got to Ingleby Cross the going was literally painfully slow.
It felt like the Coast To Coast adventure was coming to an end, unless I would, or could, battle on as a lone adventurer.

[Mick]
Yes, too many Sundays spent recovering from hangovers, watching football or playing on Geoff's Nintendo 64 instead of tramping up hill and down dale has left me not very fit. I haven't previously experienced not actually being able to put one foot in front of the other before, but at Ingleby Cross, heading up the hill to Osmotherley, it got a bit pathetic. There was no option but to bail out. As Tony has just remarked 'like all good cricketers, you get to 200 not out and then declare'. After 202, almost consecutive, kilometres, I've declared.