Ewen's Housewarming Party. Jan 30th 1999

[Steve]
Oh yes. The Smeggies invaded the Midlands.

This was billed as Ewen's House-warming, but with all of us present (except Geoff!!) it quickly turned into Ewen's House-wrecking.

Lots of people were present: Tony, Rich & Jo, Andy K, Martin, Ruth, Eddie & Jane.

Stars of the party had to include Ruth who after consuming copious amounts of whisky subsequently tested the quality of Ewen's carpet by projectile vomiting from the stairs.

At this moment, standing in the kitchen, questions being posed are:

"Is she still wretching??"
"How much did she have?"
"What was she drinking?"

and other such probing questions that always follow a natural disaster.

In the meantime, I have managed to remove the coatstand from the wall, dropping everybody's coat in the dog-bowl and giving Liam's phone an early bath.

Oh well; a good time was had by all.

[Mick]
ROLL CALL
CHAPMAN - Rich
CURTIS - Steve
CUTLER - Mick
FREE - Martin (puke cleaner)
KENNERLEY - Andy
KIMBER - Jane
LINTER - Tony (2 parties in 2 nights - whoo)
PARKER - God
PHILLIPS - Ewen
SIZELAND - Jo
WETHERALL - Vicki
WILLSHIRE - Ruth (not present - toilet monitor)
WINTHORPE - Eddie

Ewen's house is very nice - or rather was before Ruth was sick in the sink and then all down the stairs, and Steve pulled the coat hooks off the wall. Everyone is very grown up now and have proper jobs and houses. The lounge is now free apparently so that's all from me. Ta ta.

THE MORNING AFTER

Sardine like we woke early and considered last night's events. Steve and Mick's pillow talk centred around Ruth and we decided that her many hours of barfing would be a Smeggie talking point for many years to come. As I wasn't present at the actual scene of the crime, I'll hand over to Martin for some details of Ruth's Amazing Redecorating Service:

[Martin]
Chunder #1:
Location - Kitchen
Target - Sink
Description - After a brief period of swaying, Ruth christened the sink in the kitchen.
Clean Up - Running water plus poking bits with finger.

Chunder #2:
Location - Stairs / Downstairs Hall
Target - Stairs
Description - Upon removal from the kitchen, Ruth sat on the stairs to contemplate her earlier faux-pas, and promptly decided to test the stain resistance of the carpet.
Clean Up - Martin, with six teatowels and the washing up bowl. Larger lums removed from carpet using fingers.

Chunder #3:
Location - Downstairs Loo
Target - Toilet
Description - More retching, but this time in a more appropriate place.
Clean Up - Chin wiping and hair holding courtesy of Jane.

Chunder #4:
Location - Downstairs Loo
Target - Carpet / Legs
Description - Using the toilet in a more conventional manner, Ruth required to evacuate from both ends at once.
Clean Up - Dog bowl (scene of earlier phone / coat dunking episode), suitable emptied, inserted between mouth and legs. Mopping up undertaken with kitchen cloth on legs / carpet.

Intermediary Retching:
Location - Downstairs Loo
Target - Generally the dog bowl but some problems with aim. Collateral damage to skirt / tights / carpet.
Description - General illness over a period of time conducted from seated position, with pants / tights round knees.
Clean Up - Mouth wiping / nose wiping / spill mopping provided by Martin (who drew the line at wiping Ruth's arse!)

Final Instalment:
Ruth, re-panted, wiped and suitably encased in warm clothing removed from downstairs loo and put into sleeping bag in kitchen.

(0912 hrs Sunday: Ewen finds Mick's missing sock...)